Thursday, 20 November 2008


“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -C.S. Lewis

Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'm all wrong. I'm seeing him tomorrow evening, I don't know whether it's so he can break up in person (last night was on the phone) or so we can talk things through. I don't know what to expect, I don't know what's normal and what isn't, I don't know what's right or wrong, I don't know what I want, I don't know what he wants, I don't know if any of this is fixable. I'm so confused and I need some respite, and the thing is I know he feels the same; we're like the blind leading the blind.

Things I know:
I can't undo what's gone before
I can't redeem myself; I need him to forgive me
If I could undo everything, the good and the bad, I wouldn't
Having an argument or a stressful period doesn't mean it's all falling apart
We both want to do the right thing
God has good plans for us both, either together or apart
One way or another, this too shall pass.

1 comment:

nadja said...

i'm so sorry :-(

i hope it'll work out for the best. thinking of you.