Tuesday, 11 November 2008


…But all at once the door opened, and in came a little man, who said, “Good evening Mistress Miller. Why are you crying so?”“Alas,” answered the girl, “I have to spin straw into gold, and I donot know how to do it.” “What will you give me,” said the manikin, “if I do it for you?” “My necklace.” said the girl. The little man took the necklace, seated himself in front of the wheel, and whirr, whirr, whirr, three turns, and the reel was full, then he put another on, and whirr, whirr, whirr, three times round, and the second was full too. And so it went on until the morning, when all the straw was spun, and all the reels were full of gold.

-Rumpelstiltskin by the Brothers Grimm

Last night, I got home and BINGED on cookie dough and Hershey’s kisses. I hate this feeling. I hate that eating makes me hate myself so. I want to go back to when I didn't even think about this but it's too hard. As soon as I woke up this morning I knew it was just going to be one of those days when you don’t even want to get out of bed, don’t want to venture out into public and expose your fatness to everyone. It didn’t matter what I wore - everything was going to look fat. There was no point weighing myself - it was bound to be hideous. I even almost opted to get the bus instead of walking to work - I’d never burn off all those calories anyway. Then I opened the curtains, and it looked like the whole world had been spun to gold. Autumn’s in full swing; the trees look like they’ve been bear-hugged by Midas, and the ground is covered with burnished leaves. The sun was just about gilding the rooftops, the sky had been shot through with light and henna and gold… it might have been the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Doesn’t change the fact that I screwed up royally last night, it doesn't make me less ashamed, it certainly doesn't make me less fat, but somehow, being privy to something so breathtakingly beautiful made me feel a little - a *very* little, but just enough that I could feel it - bit less ugly. I guess today’s another day. Another chance to try again.

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