Thursday, 13 November 2008

Broken









*sigh*... Pretty girls.

I think I’m broken. Not in the metaphorical sense, not emotionally, I mean broken like a DVD player gets broken. Some connection isn’t working properly or something. I’m barely eating, I’m exercising as much as I can given that I’m knackered all the time (normally a bunch of sit-ups and press-ups in the morning followed by a 7 ½ mile walk to work), I’ve substituted most of my coffees for green tea, hot water and lemon juice etc, and it’s JUST NOT WORKING! I don’t understand why I’ve suddenly stopped losing but it’s so discouraging.
Plus, my BF casually dropped into conversation last night that his female friend is coming over from America for a few weeks to spend Christmas with them. Credit where it’s due, she sounds like a really lovely girl, and I *know* that he’s 100% faithful to me. It’s not that I’m jealous, or feel threatened, it’s just… I don’t know. She’s a close friend of their family, and she and he have this really close bond and loads of inside jokes... I just feel so incredibly alone at the moment as it is and I’m scared that she’ll (inadvertently) squeeze me out of my own relationship. Ordinarily it’d be just the kick up the arse I need to get moving and lose some fatness, but I just don’t feel like I can try any harder.
I’m so tired, and I want so badly to pack it all in and just go back to those days when I didn’t worry about any of this, but I’m afraid that if I give it up I’ll have nothing, like peeling back layer after layer of an onion only to find that there’s nothing left.

2 comments:

hey.hana said...

computer ate my first comment. grr.

Neg Cal Foods:

Fennel (27 cals, 6.3 carbs, 1.1 protein, 0.2 fat)

Aubergine/or Eggplant (20 cals, 4.7 carbs, 0.8 protein, 0.2 fat)

Gourd/ white-flowered...there are other kinds of gourds too (16 cals, 8 carbs, 0 fat, 0.8protein)

Broccoli (30 cals, 5.8 carbs, 0.3 fat, 2.5 protein)

Leek (54 cals, 12.6 carbs, 0.3 fat, 1.3 protein)

Cabbage ( 21 cals, 5 carbs, 0.1 fat, 1.3 protein)

Green leaf lettuce..(8 cals, 1.6 carbs, 0 fat, 0.8 protein) *try to always pick the darkest or green and leafy..ice berg has no nutrition.

Carrots (50 cals, 11.7 carbs, 0.3 fat, 1.1 protein)

Cauliflower (25 cals, 5.3 carbs,0.1 fat, 2 protein)

Green bell pepper, (18 cals, 4.3 carbs 0.2 fat, 0.8 protein)

Celery ( 17 cals , 3.6 carbs, 0.2 fat, 0.8 protein)

Radish ( 19 cals, 3.9 carbs, 0.1 fat, 0.8 protein)

Chicory greens (41 cals, 8.5 carbs, 0.5 fat, 3.1 protein)

Spinach ( 7 cals, 1.1 carbs, 0.1 fat, 0.9 protein)

Cress (16 cals, 2.8 carbs, 0.4 fat, 1.3 protein)

Tomato ( 38 cals, 8.4 carbs, 0.6 fat, 1.5 protein)

Cucumber (14 cals, 2.6 carbs, 0.2 fat, 0.7 protein)

Turnip ( 36 cals, 8.4 carbs, 0.1 fat, 1.2 protein)

Fruits- Raw, per cup, and in grams:

Apricot (79 cals, 18.3 carbs, 0.6 fat, 2.3 protein)

Grapefruit, pink ( 76 cals, 18 carbs, 0.2 fat, 1 protein)

Blackberries (62 cals, 13.8 carbs, 0.7 fat, 2 protein)

Canteloupe (54 cals, 13.1 carbs, 0.3 fat, 1.3 protein)

Blackcurrant (71 cals, 17.2, 0.5 fat, 1.6 protein)

Peaches (66 cals, 16.2 carbs, 0.4 fat, 1.5 protein)

Plums ( 76 cals, 18.8 carbs, 0.5 fat, 1.2 protein)

Raspberries ( 64 cals, 14.7 carbs, 0.8 fat, 1.5 protein)

Tangerine or Mandarin orange (86 cals, 21.8 carbs, 0.4 fat, 1.2 protein)

Rhubarb ( 26 cals, 5.5 carbs, 0.2 fat, 1.1 protein)

Guava ( 84 cals, 19.6 carbs, 1 fat, 1.4 protein)

Strawberries ( 53 cals, 12.7 carbs, 0.5 fat, 1.1 protein)

Honeydew melon ( 61 cals, 15.5 carbs, 0.2 fat, 0.9 protein)

Lemon ( 61 cals, 19.8 carbs, 0.6 fat, 2.3 protein)

Watermelon ( 46 cals, 11.5 carbs, 0.2 fat, 0.9 protein)

Diets of or including these foods prove to be more effective w/ weight loss, b/c we naturally burn more calories in their digestion than they have in them.
((http://www.pro-thinspo.com/negativecaloriefoods.html reccommend eating protein w/ these foods to "control your appetite as well as increase your metabolism"))

hope this helps :]
xo Hana

nadja said...

i know that tired feeling all too well :-(

take care of yourself, okay? <3