Saturday, 5 March 2011


This morning I weighed myself for the first time in about 10 days..! It's the longest that I've voluntarily gone without weighing in, oh, I don't know, probably 3 or 4 years. I was kind of putting it off; I carb- and sugar-loaded so much while I had the flu that I knew the result would be kind of depressing. In the end it wasn't as bad as I'd feared, though I have crept back up into the 120s, to a 19.5 BMI. I thought it would feel like the end of the world, but it was more of a 'meh' moment. Not dramatic at all. And I thought, "this must be how millions of people feel when they weigh themselves." All over the world there must be people weighing themselves, seeing something less than perfect, shrugging it off and getting on with their day. I sat and wondered at that for a moment, and then I got on with my day :)

I really feel like I'm getting some perspective on this. Yes, I would love to be little and delicate and have straight up-and-down legs with thighs the same diameter as my calves. Yes, I would love knobbly knees and shoulder blades that protrude proudly from my back and ribs that show through a tight t-shirt. Yes, I would love hollow cheeks and big, wide eyes set into a tiny, sharpened face. But I also feel like, maybe those things aren't the be all and end all. There are a lot of happy people in the world who are a lot bigger than you or I or any of us. And they're not only happy, but they're confident, and gifted, and people love them even though they don't look like a Victoria's Secret model.

I don't know, this might be a passing phase. But I feel like these types of phases are coming around more and more often, and lasting for longer and longer. And I wonder if maybe one day I'll be flawed and happy and confident and gifted and loved, too. I wonder what it feels like just not to care that you're imperfect. Sometimes I have glimpses of that, and it's kind of exhilerating. Moreso, I almost wonder, than being really, really thin..?

Well, in other news, for those that read my last post, A was kind of excited about our coffee table made from books! On the condition that it has a wooden top. So today I'm off to IKEA (yay!) with my best friend (yay!) to see if they have any wooden table-tops going in their reject pile. Y'know, that bit of the store where they sell random parts of furniture that have separated themselves from the rest of their flat-pack, or slightly damaged items etc. A was less keen on the burlap curtains, which is fine. I've bought some heavy, kind of rough-woven white cotton instead and plan to do a similar thing with that. Actually I think he was right on that one, this fabric is much more aesthetically pleasing than burlap :)

In the meantime, I've been thinking about new cushions... I've made two little cloud-shaped ones out of this Thai silk we had left over from the wedding waistcoats. They're silvery-grey on one side and ivory on the other. I haven't done any sewing for a while, so they're not perfect (there's that word again!) but they're kind of cute. I'll also be looking for some more fabric at IKEA today - they have such cute prints and for ridiculously cheap prices. Don't we love a bargain ;)

Well, apologies for the long, rambling post. Thanks for reading, and congratulations if you put up with me all the way to here...! I hope life is treating you all well and that you have wonderful, fun and relaxing weekends ahead of you.

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