This is not a pro-ana blog, although it started as such, so you may come across some pro-ana terminology. I don't endorse an eating disordered lifestyle but I use the language that best fits my state of mind. You are free to interpret this in any way you choose and take from it what you will. 'Beautiful Wasted' is a line from Joydrop's song 'American Dreamgirl'. This is a blog about becoming better.
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
Today started pretty well, scales said 108 first thing in the morning. I try not to get too excited by that because I know they’ll be up about a pound by the end of the day even if I don’t eat (how does that work?!), but still, it’s on track. BF called last night and asked if I wanted to go to his after work tonight, stay the night and then get the train into work tomorrow morning. All of which I’d love to do, the obvious problem being that mealtimes around other people involve a little more accountability and creativity than mealtimes at home on my own; today is a designated fast day which I was hoping to extend til tomorrow afternoon, and staying at his overnight involves not only dinner tonight, but breakfast tomorrow morning. Breakfast is easy; everyone eats at different times so no-one’s keeping track, but at dinner they eat a family meal round the table together which is harder to avoid. I’ve gotten away before with pleading a funny tummy, pushing my food around the plate a little and only eating a few bites, but I’ve never tried skipping the meal entirely. Am toying with the idea of saying one of my colleagues is going for a blood test tomorrow and isn’t allowed to eat for 24 hours so a couple of us are fasting with her as moral support, but is it just me or does anyone else feel a little reluctant to lie about illnesses for fear of jinxing themselves?!
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