Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Mixed results...

As the title suggests, I had mixed results this weekend. Down to 109 after being fairly strict with myself all week and throughout Saturday which is usually the hardest day for me to stay on track, but had Sunday lunch at the BF’s house with his parents and grandparents, and my brother. Managed to avoid the roast potatoes, opting instead for plenty of boiled / roasted veg, and took a stuffed chicken breast but pulled out all the stuffing and left it, and only ate half the breast meat. My real downfall at his house is dessert though - I have such a sweet tooth at the best of times, and his mom is an *amazing* cook, she’s always just baked a cake, or a fruit crumble, or a pie… This week was almond sponge. Luckily, his dad doesn’t eat ANY sugar, so I got away with a sliver of cake and some of the baked fruit sprinkled with splenda that his dad was having. So far so good. After lunch however, the BF and I went to take the dog out for a walk, and we also wanted to talk through some of the things that had been bothering us both about the relationship. It was really good to talk things through, I felt free to speak my mind for the first time, and he totally calmed my misgivings about being myself around him. I left the conversation feeling loved just the way I was, and… you guessed it, helped myself to a bowl of fruit crumble when we got home.
Wouldn’t have been the end of the world, emotionally, except that later in the evening I casually mentioned an event that his work is hosting next week, and he informed me that he’d found out on Friday (Friday?! That was 3 days ago!) that it involved him going away for three days with 2 of his female colleagues and a bunch of agency girls (read - models) whose job it is to look perfect and prance around promoting the product. In his defence, he hasn’t been very well, and he did have a lot of other things on his mind that he wanted to talk to me about over the weekend, so I can’t really hold it against him that it was only when I asked about it that he thought to mention this trip. It’s not even that I think he’s going to cheat on me - I trust him completely - but none of those girls can possibly be bigger than a size 6 (uk) and I’m just so jealous that they’ve achieved something that I want so bad and are flaunting it in front of my BF!! Desperately wanted to purge everything I’d eaten that day, but so much time had passed it wouldn’t have done any good. Instead I walked 8 miles both yesterday and today, as well as doing my normal sit-ups and strength training. I hope to get on the exercise bike when I get home tonight too. I only managed to restrict to about 600 yesterday though, which is enough to send me into a blind panic, but have stayed under 300 today thanks to lots of sugar-free gum and diet coke.
I really, really need to be down to 105 by the time he gets back on the 22nd.

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