Tuesday, 12 October 2010


How quickly things can change! Bloody peace and clarity. Every evening A and I eat dinner together, then he goes upstairs to his study and works on his dissertation until about 2a.m. I normally go in and say goodnight at around 11 when I'm going to bed. More than anything else in this marriage, the thing that upsets me most of all is that I go to bed alone every night. At that time of day, the time I expected there would be some measure of intimacy in a marriage, I feel more single than when I was single.

So, today, I wrote that last post, and went to say goodnight to him. He's watching bloody 'family guy' on the internet! Yes, I realize I should be grateful - some women walk in on their husbands watching  'sex trek : the next penetration' - but I'm not. I'm *pissed*. What is so vastly wrong with me that he'd rather watch fat cartoon men on TV than come to bed with me?!

I am sad and unattractive and alone. And, as my mom would say, having a little pity party. I'm angry with A but *furious* with myself for letting myself get to this state. I know, I know, life is what we make it, and if I was better, these things wouldn't happen. Well, it's a work in progress. We're getting there.


Kat said...

Hey, family guy is funny =). I watch it sometimes too when I'm having a brain dead moment working on a long piece of analysis. Maybe view it that he would not be functional during those moments, that he respects you too much to waste your time then ? If that makes sense :S
I wrote you a really long reply on my last blog post that I'd really like for you to read.
You are beautiful and definitely not alone!

Stick Thin said...

:( I am sorry. I don't know how well you guys talk together, but maybe you need to let him know how you feel. You can't blame yourself entirely. Marriage is a two way thing, well, as fas as this newly we'd knows :). Chin up