Tuesday, 31 May 2011

30-Day Challenge

I didn't weigh myself again today. It's been a little while. I'm worried that I'm at my death weight; years ago I made an agreement - a pact of sorts - with another blogger who sadly no longer posts that if we ever reached a certain weight we deserved to die. I'm scared to death (pardon the pun) that if I get on the scales today I'll see that number staring back on me, and I won't know what to do. I'm not at the place I was when I made that agreement; I don't think your weight is a live-or-die situation. But still...

Most of the time, I'm ok. Life is good. I have a wonderful, handsome, intelligent husband (referred to as 'A' throughout this blog, for new readers) and a loving marriage. We live in a lovely, bright, airy house with wooden floors and lots of windows, and pay a minimal amount of rent to A's parents. My dream job which started out as a 6-month contract has been repeatedly extended for the last 2 years. My family is great, my parents are happily married, my siblings and I are the best of friends. I couldn't ask for more. Nothing's missing. And yet... Sometimes I just feel so restless; something dark and empty and searching draws open inside of me and threatens to pull me down into itself. And I lean over the edge and look...

what is that, down there in the darkness?

It's not so much that I want to die. Not really. I like being alive. I have fun here on the earth. More importantly, I have responsibilities here, I've made commitments to people. I'd just like to know what it would be like not to be so present all the time. So physical. Sometimes don't you feel so tired and so heavy, and you can barely move, and you think, "but wouldn't it just be nice to be flimsy and unreal? Just not to be all the time..."

Anyway, on to the topic of the post: I came downstairs feeling a little glum from all this musing, flipped open my computer, and saw this post by Cinnamon Brown, who's starting this challenge, hosted by the lovely Ariana, as of June 1st (that is, tomorrow). It sounds like the perfect antidote to this humdrum state. It goes like this: you set up your plan - how many calories you want to eat, what workout schedule you're following, etc. - then are completely accountable and honest about your successes and failures. Every day you also answer a question from the challenge page, to get you thinking about what you're doing and why, and to keep things interesting :) I'm going to add some pictures to the mix (no, not of myself - that's not going to inspire *anyone*!), just because I talk so much and give you so little to look at! I haven't figured out my plan yet, but will do a little research today and post it this evening.

Do join us - nothing like a little kick start to the summer! Or winter, for those in the 'other' hemisphere :)

 

2 comments:

Cinnamon Brown said...

Hi! It's great that things are going so well for you, I don't believe that depression is always as a result of external influences. Sometimes the problem is internal. Sometimes there's just something on the inside that isn't quite right. Either way, we're all doing our best to manage our issues, whatever the cause may be.

I'm so happy you're joining in the challenge. The more the merrier! All the best for 30 Days, Babe! LET'S DO IT!!! <3. XXX.

Gianni said...

I'll definitely be doing the 30 Day Challenge on my blog. Sounds like the perfect way to keep myself motivated to update my blog and cheer everyone else on. :)