whinge...

Thanks for your comments after that last post! It means a lot to me that people are reading this :) To answer your questions, I *think* everything we talk to personnel about is supposed to be confidential, so with a bit of luck it won’t go any further. I don’t know if she will have known which blog was mine, I know she looked at a couple of them but as far as I can recall off the top of my head, there’s nothing on here that would identify me personally (except of course for this story, in which case if she’s still reading by now it’s pretty clear who I am!) In some ways it was incredibly embarrassing, and I’m such a private person normally that it would be excruciating if she was reading something so personal, but at the same time, I wonder if this lifestyle is really something so shameful? It certainly ignites - and to a certain extent warrants - controversy, but shame? If I thought it was something to be *ashamed* of I’d have to ask myself why I maintain it.

I guess part of the reason the whole issue of eating disorders is so controversial is because, in a social climate where everyone’s becoming more health conscious, it’s kind of a farce for us to pretend this is conducive to good health! But then, nor is smoking, or driving short distances, or - whisper it, you might hurt someone’s feelings! - obesity, but no-one feels ashamed of those things, and nor would they be expected to. It seems that the lines are drawn somewhat arbitrarily designating what is and isn’t socially acceptable. Why is it okay to criticize another person’s diet, but other health issues are taboo? There are a couple people in my office with some personal hygiene problems but it would be seen as overstepping the mark if I started criticizing them for it!

Of course I could be way off base, maybe it’s not our physical wellness that’s the problem, maybe there’s something offensive about the way we think. But there’s still something inconsistent in that argument. The same people who claim that violent movies or video games have no impact on a person’s mind are the ones who are shocked that we would use thinspo to desensitize ourselves to extreme thinness. Hello?! It’s the same mental process at work, being fed with different content! And are you really telling me that an preoccupation with food and weight and everything that comes with it is more harmful to a person’s emotional state than, say, bearing a grudge, or being excessively materialistic?

The point is, we’re not stupid. I don’t think any of us would argue that this life is perfect or easy or that we ever expected to be here. But here we are nevertheless, you me and the 6 billion other flawed people in the world, and when I meet someone different, someone in perfect physical health, who has no vices, and who isn’t emotionally reliant on anything or anyone, they can feel free to criticize me or fix me as they see fit, but until then I refuse to be made to feel like I’m uniquely or disproportionately problematic or like I have something to be ashamed of.