Friday, 1 April 2011

Hypocrisy

Following the previous pose about learning to accept yourself, and "loving your tree", I'm realising (again) how hard it is to put that into practise. I know it's hypocritical, but at the moment I just feel overwhelmed by how far I have to go, and in the back of my mind I secretly doubt that I'll ever really "arrive". I look in the mirror, or I step on the scales, or I watch myself acting like a total bitch, and it feels like this thing I'm chasing has never been less attainable.

My Mom summed it up the other day in a conversation about identity crises in general, by identifying the desire to be someone else, but without knowing who that person is. And I think she's right; it's like aiming at a moving target, or one that fades in and out of visibility. I want to be an FHM girl, all voluminous blonde hair and pouting lips, with giant breasts and a perfect, smooth stomach. But simultaneously I want to be Tia Dalma, strong and dark and unrefined, as though something of the jungle was residing inside her. And Christina Hendricks, who isn't remotely thin but that just makes her all the more beautiful. And Waris Dirie, full of grace and altruism and elegance and quiet strength. And Zooey Deschanel, quirky-cool, multitalented, and adored by men and women alike. And, and, and... ad nauseum.

But if I looked like any one of those women, I still wouldn't be happy, because I'd want to look or be like the others. The one thing they have in common isn't what they look like, is it? It's that none of them, as far as is evident, wants to be anybody else.

Ironic, no?

1 comment:

Skittles said...

i bet the inherent things that make you you, are also what make some people aspire to be like you as well. i like what u said about the identity crises. i think people settle with themselves at some point though, just keep on trucking!